he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
