i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
