So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I want is dick and wine.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
