dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
