My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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