My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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