I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
