I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i think im in europe. pls send help
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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