I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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