doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
