I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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