Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
