so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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