I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
