I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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