I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
