Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
