you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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