She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
