I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
