Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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