they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
