Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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