Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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