is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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