So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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