Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The air was thick with penises
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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