i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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