literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
