I want to walk on stilts...naked
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
