Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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