Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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