I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
