Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
