so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize