The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
