I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
