At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
