My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
