You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
