all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
