I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
