i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
