how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
