Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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