I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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