PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
