Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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