Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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