I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
