Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
