If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
