What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
