I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
