Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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