my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
