dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
