If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
