The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
