Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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