Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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