im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
