Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
