my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The air was thick with penises
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
