for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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