I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
