he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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