I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
