Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
