WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
