I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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