I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
