Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize