Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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