it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
