i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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