you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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