my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
