It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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